Buckle up my friends. I’m going to walk you through the process of how to detect gaslighting. This is a form of emotional abuse where someone attempts to manipulate you. In fact, they make you question your own reality, memory or perceptions. No worries, though. Once you gain the basic knowledge of how to detect this behavior, there is just no turning back.
How to Detect Gaslighting
Gaslighting is named after the 1944 film ‘Gaslight’, where a husband systematically manipulates his wife to make her feel crazy. Unfortunately, the wife had no idea of how to detect gaslighting. She lost complete control of her sanity. This emotional abuse is more prevalent than you think.
The Prevalence of Gaslighting
According to a review published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, gaslighting is experienced by a substantial number of people. However, it is particularly popular in relationships where there is a power figure. Also, look out for variation of gaslighting.
Various Types of Gaslighting
It’s not just contained to romantic partnerships either. It occurs in all sorts of human interactions. Also, there is a big difference between constructive criticizing and gaslighting. If you in doubt, reach out to a trusted friend or confidant.
Here are other relationships where gaslighting may occur:
- Parent/child
- Teacher/student
- Employer/employee
- Doctor/patient
The list goes on and on. Keep this information in mind as we move forward in our quest to detect this awful behavioral pattern. So, keep your eyes and ears open as we move on to detect common gaslight phrases.
Detect Common Gaslight Phrases
Let’s find out about some common gaslighting phrases such as ‘You’re overreacting’, ‘That never happened’, or ‘You’re just too sensitive.‘ These tactics are deployed to sow seeds of doubt. They are masters of lies and manipulation.
Blatant Lies and Manipulation
The gaslighter also tells blatant lies, denies they ever said something, or throws in positive reinforcement to confuse you. Also, look out for all of the following schemes:
- Their tactics are intertwined with a web of denial and manipulation
- Plans to destabilize the victim.
- Ultimate aim is to destroy your self-esteem
- You’ll accept their narrative over your own.
- This isn’t just about making you unsure
- It’s also about power and control.
The Subtlety of Gaslighting
Next, let me walk you through some scenarios that showcase gaslighting in action. You’ll also find some of these situations strikingly familiar or eye-opening. It’s not always cut and dry. However, by examining these examples, you’ll find out about the nuanced ways in which real-life gaslighting manifests itself.
Real Life Scenarios
In personal relationships, gaslighting often skews the reality of the person being gaslighted. For instance, imagine your partner consistently dismisses your feelings, saying things to throw you for a loop. Never underestimate how far they will go.
Visualizing Gaslighting
If you’re looking to grasp the scope of gaslighting, a good place to start is with the data. Research sheds light on how pervasive and damaging gaslighting is. In this section, I’ll show you some visual aids that help put this issue into perspective. Become familiar with the visual gaslighting data.
Visual Data
Consider a chart that maps the emotional states of individuals before and after enduring gaslighting. You’ll find out about the psychological toll through visual data. It’s not just about feeling sad or confused. It’s much more sinister.
For example, it often shows up as:
- A sharp decline in self-worth and happiness
- Repeated gaslighting occurrences.
- Long-term impact on mental health.
I’m here to help you understand an infographic that breaks down the stages of gaslighting. Let me walk you through everything from the subtle beginnings to the more severe consequences. This way, you will recognize the pattern – not just in your relationships, but in others’ too. As cases of gaslight is spreading, protect yourself from this insidious behavior.
Gaslighting is Widespread
Now, survey data isn’t always easy to digest, but it tells a story. You’ll see figures that represent the percentage of people who report experiencing gaslighting in various types of relationships.
This isn’t just an isolated problem, it’s widespread and occurs across socio-economic backgrounds, cultures, and professions. These gaslight vultures prey on the vulnerable.
Vulnerability in the Digital World
Statistics also highlight the impact of gaslighting across different demographics. For example, certain groups are more susceptible to gaslighting in specific contexts.
Take a look at who is most vulnerable:
- Younger individuals in digital environments
- Employees in hierarchical workplace structures.
- Younger medical or law students
Look Out for Professionals in a Power Position
There is a Harvard University surgeon on YouTube who tells how he was gaslighted when he first started his residency. He goes on to inform the newbies in this field of what they are in for. Oftentimes, those in a power position will gaslight a subordinate.
This surgeon provides anecdotes and helpful tips to help new med students. I, personally was very surprised by this story. His message was loud and clear about gaslighting. In terms of professional people in power and those under their leadership, the YouTube doctor was spot on. This happened to me as a graduate student.
My Superior was a Certified Gaslighter
Detecting Gaslight From A Supervisor
She made me feel like two cents. After inviting me to her office, about 2 hours away from my school, I was humiliated to the point of tears. It shocked me to my core. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this behavior from someone in a mentorship role. I never saw this coming.
Report the Gaslighter Immediately
Needless to say, I had to report the harsh, verbal abuse and discouragement. Come and behold, this was not her first rodeo. I was not her only victim. Had it not been for another professor, I was ready to throw in the towel.
Being gaslighted by my supervisor was a life-changing experience. It reminded me of how my dad would say hurtful things to my mom while I was heading out to school. It affected me the entire day. Gaslighting is very dangerous; especially when you or someone you love are the target.
Due to witnessing gaslighting, it changed my perspective in many ways. Who knows? Is this why I had a multitude of relationship problems back in the day? In fact, that’s the major reason why I never wanted to get married. Probably for fear of being gaslighted by my spouse. Unfortunately, some gaslighters are covert and hidden. I detected a spousal gaslighter.
My Mum Was Repeatedly Gaslit
My mum was an amazing mother and wife. She excelled in all of her household duties. She cooked, cleaned the house, did laundry, and much more. However, she also kept her self-care in check.
By the time dad got home, she was freshened up and tried to look her best. However, instead of dad appreciating a nice clean home, a delicious home-cooked meal, and a beautiful wife, he acted strange. He yelled at her and even accused her of cheating on him while he was at work.
Gaslighters Discredit Truth
When he hurt her, he also hurt me. In retrospect, he had all the traits of a gaslighter. He also discredited everything she did. Eventually, she broke down. This is probably why she would leave us for months at a time. This was the only way to get away from his emotional abuse.
A Gaslighter Destroys Your Spirit
Ironically, I had never really knew much about gaslighting while I was in grad school. Nevertheless, after being gaslit by my supervisor, I was still able to graduate. Thanks to my amazing mentors, Dr. Moline, Julie and Elsie. By the way, Jule and Elsie are both successful doctors now. Dr. Moline is still teaching at LLU. My supervisor was sent to another location.
Strategies for Protection
After looking at these charts and graphs that illustrate the stark reality of gaslighting, you’ll probably be wondering what to do. No worries. If you spot these patterns in your life, you’ll have the tools to deal with it.
That’s where the next section comes in. It’s about what steps to take for protection and how to respond effectively to gaslighting.
Confront a Gaslighter
If you think you’re dealing with gaslighting, it’s critical to take assertive steps to protect yourself and respond appropriately. Unfortunately, gaslighting is designed to undermine your sense of reality. Nevertheless, there are ways to fight back.
Document Everything
First, start documenting the occurrences. Keeping a journal helps you keep track of what was said and done. Sometimes, simply seeing things in writing reinforce your understanding of what’s really happening versus what you’re being told to believe.
Seek Trusted Friends and Family
Next, seek out trusted friends or family members and share your experience. It’s often easier for people outside the situation to recognize gaslighting. Their perspective validates your feelings. They also help you trust your own judgment again.
Establish Clear Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries is essential. While it might seem daunting, assertively communicating your limits to the gaslighter begins to shift the dynamic. Remember, you’re not looking to ‘win’ an argument; you’re simply stating what you will and won’t tolerate.
Bring in a Professional
In cases where gaslighting is persistent or severe, or if you’ve begun to doubt your sanity, it’s time to bring in a professional. A therapist or counselor experienced in dealing with psychological abuse will provide the support and guidance you need.
Your first attempt at dealing with gaslighting doesn’t need to be perfect. It’s more important to start taking steps to protect your mental health and set the stage for recovery and empowerment.
Moving Beyond Gaslighting
Healing Over Time
Next, I’m going to explore the light at the end of the tunnel here. Gaslighting leaves deep psychological scars, but recovery and empowerment are more than possible.
Recovery and Empowerment
Building self-esteem and regaining confidence are key after experiencing gaslighting. It’s about relearning to trust your own judgment and feelings. Embracing activities that make you feel competent and in control is a good starting point.
Recovery isn’t a solo journey, though. Seeking support makes a world of difference. Whether that’s through therapy, support groups, or trusted loved ones, it’s crucial to have a network that validates your experiences and feelings.
Education and Societal Awareness
Education and societal awareness are also paramount. Choose something that resonates with you, whether that’s reading up on personal boundaries, attending workshops, or just talking with others who’ve been through similar experiences. The more we talk about gaslighting, the easier it is for everyone to recognize and combat it.
Final Wrap Up
In closing, while gaslighting is a difficult and complex issue, the path to recovery offers a chance to grow stronger and more self-aware. Don’t worry too much about how long it takes to feel ‘normal’ again. Your first attempt doesn’t need to be your last, and every step towards healing is something to be proud of. I really hope that you find the support and resources you need to move forward and reclaim your sense of self.
Founder, Rachele
(w) mybluegenes.com
(e)rachele@mybluegenes.com